Manipulating you without your awareness
Have you ever noticed that some people just have the ability to convince others to do whatever they want without even trying? While persuasion is a natural side effect for some people, for others, it could actually be one of many facets of their manipulative personality. There are some personalities that are more vulnerable to being manipulated than others, though.
As a life coach, I’ve worked with many clients over the years who have found themselves trapped in unhealthy relationships or situations due to manipulation from others. It can happen to any of us, even the most self-aware among us. Manipulators are skilled at concealing their true intentions and pushing our buttons in subtle ways — ways we may not even recognize as manipulation.
By becoming aware of these warning signs, we can empower ourselves to avoid being taken advantage of and reclaim control of our lives. Below are warning signs that you are very easy for a manipulator to manipulate:
1. You Have Porous Boundaries
Healthy personal boundaries are like the gates and walls around a castle — they regulate what you allow into your life. Without firm boundaries, you leave yourself open like a castle without walls, allowing anyone to come and go as they please.
I’ve had clients who struggle to set clear boundaries and often sacrifice their own needs and preferences to please or accommodate others. Jessie, one of my clients, used to let friends constantly cancel plans at the last minute or borrow money without returning it. She had difficulty saying no because she feared confrontation and wanted everyone to like her.
But this left Jessie feeling resentful and taken for granted. Through our work together focusing on boundary setting, Jessie realized she had the right to say no without feeling guilty. She learned to set clearer expectations in her relationships and disengage from one-sided dynamics.
Check-in with yourself: do you have clear boundaries, or do you compromise on what feels comfortable? Healthy relationships are based on give and take, not one person always giving in.
2. You Think the Best of Everyone
Seeing the good in people is an admirable quality, but as with anything, balance is key. When we think too highly of others, we can become blind to their flaws and true intentions.
My client Emma struggled with this. Despite friends repeatedly taking advantage of her kindness, she kept believing they would change their ways if she just gave them another chance. Emma’s rose-colored glasses left her vulnerable to manipulation by those she trusted.
Through our coaching, Emma learned discernment; she became more attuned to people’s patterns versus empty promises. She grew to understand some relationships were unhealthy for her, regardless of good intent.
Be conscious of whether your optimism causes you to minimize red flags or make excuses for others. Some people deliberately exploit kind-hearted optimists.
3. You Take On Guilt Readily
Do you ever find yourself feeling responsible or to blame for things that aren’t under your control? Guilt is a common manipulation tactic.
One of my clients, Mike, shared how his partner often made him feel guilty for wanting to spend time with friends or focus on his hobbies. His partner accused him of being selfish until Mike felt ashamed for having needs outside their relationship.
In counseling, Mike realized these accusations were a means of manipulative control, not his actual responsibility. We worked on building his self-worth so he didn’t take unfair blame. He learned to recognize manipulation masked as guilt trips or obligations.
Pay attention to who tries to make you feel guilty and for what. Are you truly responsible, or are you being pressured to give in? Unpack these complex feelings.
4. You Override Your Intuition
Our intuition is like an inner voice that provides warnings to protect us. But many of us learn to override gut feelings and doubt our inner wisdom. This can make us easy targets.
One client, Emily, told me how she constantly felt uneasy around a coworker who would make snide remarks yet laugh them off as jokes. Despite feeling instinctively bothered by this person, Emily suppressed her concerns and kept working closely with this individual on projects.
The situation escalated to blatant harassment, leaving Emily questioning why she didn’t trust her instincts sooner. Through our work together, Emily practiced tuning into her body’s signals and following her intuition versus being gaslit into self-doubt.
Don’t ignore inner warnings or unease just because you can’t explain them. Your subconscious recognizes things the conscious mind may initially overlook or dismiss.
5. You Crave External Validation
We all want to feel accepted and valued for who we are. But when our self-worth depends heavily on approval from others, it can create an emotional vulnerability.
I once worked with a client named Tim, who people-pleased constantly. He felt anxious if someone didn’t like something he did, becoming preoccupied with winning their approval at all costs. This left him susceptible to doing things he didn’t want just to gain validation.
Through improving his self-esteem, Tim became less dependent on others’ opinions of him. He learned to differentiate healthy esteem from people-pleasing, tuning into his own approval and aligning actions with his values.
Check-in with yourself: are you chasing validation or feeling secure from within? Needing constant approval, especially from toxic people, can lead you down the wrong path.
6. You Have Difficulty Saying No
Many of us worry about the discomfort of saying no — we may feel guilty or fear negative reactions or loss of connection. So, we often default to saying yes even when we want to say no.
My client Alicia used to really struggle with this. Even when requests made her uncomfortable or were simply too much for her plate, she had a hard time declining people. This caused resentment to build up and meant people kept making demands of her time and energy, knowing she wouldn’t refuse.
Through practice built up over time, Alicia strengthened her ability to say no. She learned techniques like saying, “Let me think about it and get back to you.” She discovered people respected her even more when she set honest boundaries.
Saying no does not make you a bad person — it makes you a person with self-respect and priorities. You deserve to have limits without shame or apology.
7. You Avoid Confrontation
Many of my clients struggle with directly addressing issues and having difficult conversations. While avoiding conflict can be appealing at the moment, it often allows problems to fester.
Unhealthy relationships bank on your desire to keep the peace. Manipulators expertly use your conflict avoidance to keep pushing boundaries little by little, counting on you not to speak up.
My client Samantha would let a toxic friend run the show and steer all their plans. When this friend would flake on her repeatedly, Samantha said nothing to avoid “making waves.” But this enabled her friend’s disrespectful behavior to continue.
Through practice, Samantha found her voice. She learned how to gently but firmly address issues. She discovered that speaking up resolved problems while avoiding confrontation just prolonged them.
Don’t let your desire for harmony put you in harm’s way. There are skillful ways to stand up for yourself while maintaining compassion.
8. You Have Low Self-Worth
When we lack self-worth and confidence, it’s like having little internal armor to defend ourselves. We may tolerate poor treatment or cling to unworthy relationships because we don’t believe we deserve better.
My client Desiree described staying with a manipulative partner who bullied and belittled her for years. She thought his behavior was her fault and that no one else would want her. It took tremendous courage for her to finally leave the relationship.
Through our work rebuilding her self-esteem, Desiree took back her power. Her inner light reignited; she now knew she deserved respectful love and would never again settle for less.
Check-in with yourself: do you enforce the standards you expect from others? Holding yourself in high regard makes you less likely to accept manipulation. You are worthy.
As you reflect on your own tendencies, remember — that we all have areas in which we can grow. Self-awareness is the critical first step to avoiding manipulation. Now that you have insights into signs you could be susceptible to, you can be more conscious about your relationships and interactions. Trust your inner guidance, and don’t be afraid to say no or walk away when something doesn’t feel right. You deserve fulfilling connections built on mutual care and respect, not control.