Watch out for these early relationship warning signs
First dates can be a rollercoaster! I’ve seen the nervous excitement in my client’s eyes as they get ready to meet someone new. But all too often, that hope fizzles when the date turns out to be a dud.
Let’s be real — dating can be exhausting. You’re putting yourself out there again and again, crossing your fingers that THIS will be the one who’s on the same page. But too many mismatches and dead-end dates can leave you feeling drained.
Here’s the truth, though: you don’t have to slog through date after date with partners who are clearly wrong for you. Catching red flags in the early stage allows you to course-correct before wasting time on no-gos.
As a life coach, I’m here to help you spot those early warning signs. First dates are your chance to gather intel, not commit for life! Stay alert for red flags so you can move on from mismatches faster.
When you tune into the signals and listen to your intuition, you’ll weed out the incompatible ones pronto. This preserves your mojo for when the right connections come along. Dating does require kissing frogs — but having standards helps you find your prince or princess faster.
Let’s talk about what to watch for on first dates so you can start filtering out the duds. Here are some key red flags to look for so you don’t drain your energy on dead-ends.
1. Disregarding Your Boundaries
I once had a client, Amanda, who told me about a first date that ignored her preference to not go back to his place after their first meeting. He continued trying to convince her it would be fine, even after she expressed feeling uncomfortable. I advised Amanda this reaction revealed a clear lack of respect for her boundaries and needs.
Pay close attention to how your date responds when you express your boundaries. Poor reactions are a telling red flag not to ignore.
2. Rudeness Towards Service Staff
James, a former client, shared that his date complained about minor issues throughout dinner and treated the waitstaff in a condescending manner. I explained to James that this behavior reveals a lack of humility and kindness — two essential qualities for healthy relationships.
Observe how your date interacts with staff like waiters or bartenders. Disrespectful conduct serves as an important warning sign.
3. Calling Exes “Crazy”
Many of my clients mention when dates call their ex “psycho” or “unstable.” I point out that these labels typically suggest an inability to take responsibility for their own role in relationship difficulties.
For example, my client Priya told me her date called his ex “totally insane.” To me, this indicated he was unlikely to own up to his own relationship mistakes in the future.
Name-calling former partners is rarely a promising sign.
4. Criticizing Others
Amy, a former client, once told me about a date who talked negatively about his family, her outfit, and everything they did that evening. I helped Amy see how this constant criticism revealed his tendency to harshly judge others. She realized he would likely begin finding fault with her soon, too.
A judgmental, critical attitude is a red flag when getting to know someone new. Kindness and compassion are essential.
5. Dodging Questions
Many clients share stories of evasive dates and avoid directly answering simple getting-to-know-you questions. I coach my clients to be wary of those who respond defensively to basic questions about themselves.
For example, when my client Sarah asked a date what he was looking for in a relationship, he responded, “Whoa, too serious for a first date!” This suggested discomfort with authentic relating.
6. Checking Their Phone
Sara, a client, complained her date was glued to his phone throughout dinner, barely glancing up to talk. I explained this behavior signaled both disinterest and difficulty being fully present.
Phones are part of daily life but should not dominate time set aside for getting to know someone new. Frequent checking indicates distraction.
7. Talking Only About Themselves
Omar, a former client, shared that his date spent the entire night talking about her acting career and celebrity crushes. Whenever Omar tried to share about himself, she redirected the conversation back to her.
I helped Omar see this self-centered behavior would make building intimacy very challenging. A mutual exchange is key.
8. Rushing Emotional Intimacy
Many clients mention dates wanting to plan future vacations together or talking about their imagined future after meeting only once. I explain this premature emotional intensity falsely gives the impression of closeness.
For instance, Priya told me her second date was already naming their future children together. I advised her to pump the brakes and carefully evaluate if they truly shared values first.
9. Backhanded Compliments
My client Ana recalled a date who called her “so articulate for a foreigner.” I identified this as a classic “neg” or backhanded compliment meant to undermine confidence.
Watch for remarks that masquerade as compliments but subtly put you down. They signal manipulation, not genuine care.
10. Discussing Sex Too Soon
Multiple clients have reported dates bringing up sexual topics very early on. Unless both people are completely comfortable, this is usually ill-advised in an initial meeting.
For Tyler, this was a concerning red flag that his date prioritized physical intimacy over emotional connection. I coached Tyler to notice this mismatch in pacing and stand firm in moving slowly.
11. Disregarding Safety Concerns
Client safety is my number one priority as a life coach. I watch for any date who is pressured to meet in isolated places, insists on picking my client up, or disregards other reasonable safety precautions.
For example, James shared that his date refused to meet in public. This showed a serious lack of care for safety. I advised James to always trust his gut instincts about what feels secure.
Pay close attention if a date brushes aside your need to feel comfortable and secure. Your well-being comes first.
Final Thoughts
First dates mark the starting point for getting to know someone new. While chemistry and connections can’t be forced, being aware of some initial red flags can help you determine early on when someone is not a good match. Moving on quickly when red flags appear saves time for finding partners who share your values and will treat you how you deserve. With the right perspective, dating can be an enjoyable journey. Know yourself, trust your intuition, and don’t settle for less than you want. The right connections will unfold.