Does he really love you? Ten signs to help you find out
Finding real, lasting love can feel like an impossible task these days. Between noncommittal situations, ghosting, and straight-up dishonesty, it’s easy to get discouraged. As a life coach who helps women navigate dating and relationships, I’ve seen it all. My clients often come to me heartbroken, wondering if they’ll ever meet someone who truly cares.
The good news is there are men out there who want real connections just as much as you do. You just have to know what to look for — and what to avoid. Below are the key signs that indicate a man is serious about you, along with red flags that suggest it’s time to move on.
01. He Puts in the Effort
A man who is genuinely interested in you will make an effort to see you and talk to you regularly. He’ll initiate contact frequently, not only when it’s convenient for him. You won’t feel like an afterthought.
For example, one of my clients, Sara, was dating a guy who would text her on Friday afternoons asking if she wanted to get together that night. But she never heard from him the rest of the week. This pattern made her feel like his last priority instead of someone special. After a few weeks, she realized he was only reaching out when he had nothing better to do.
On the other hand, when Sara met Alex a few months later, he called or texted almost daily just to say hi and see how she was. The consistency of his communication made her feel cared for.
Bottom line: If you have to constantly wonder where you stand with someone, take it as a sign they aren’t as invested as you deserve. A man who truly values you will make sure you know it.
02. He Opens Up Emotionally
It takes courage and vulnerability for a man to open up about his deeper feelings and insecurities. If your partner trusts you enough to reveal his emotional side, it indicates he feels emotionally close to you.
For example, one of my clients, Emily, had been dating her boyfriend, Mark, for about six months when she got laid off unexpectedly. That night, Mark came over and hugged her while she cried. He told her how sorry he was and that he knew how hard she had worked.
Then, he shared that when he lost his job the year before, he had felt depressed and worthless. Opening up about that difficult time made Emily feel closer to Mark. She said knowing he could be vulnerable with her meant so much.
Men are taught from an early age to hide their emotions. If your partner lets his guard down with you, consider it a positive sign. Just don’t pressure him to open up before he’s ready.
03. He Makes You a Priority
A man in love won’t treat you like an option — he’ll treat you like a priority. His actions will show that he values your happiness and well-being.
For instance, Lisa, one of my clients, had dated guys in the past who never wanted to discuss the future. But when she met Dylan, he openly talked about what they could do together down the road, like trips they could take or places they could live.
And when Lisa’s grandfather passed away, Dylan didn’t hesitate to book a flight to go with her to the funeral across the country. His willingness to be there for her in a difficult time proved he was in it for the long haul.
Pay attention to whether your partner puts you first. If he frequently chooses other plans overseeing you, it’s a red flag. Don’t make excuses for him — you deserve to be someone’s first pick.
04. He Discusses the Future
Speaking of the future, a man who envisions you in his long-term plans likely sees a real future together. He’ll talk about dreams that involve you: traveling together, moving in together someday, even marriage and kids if that’s what you both want.
But he won’t bring up the future in a way that feels rushed or overwhelming. The goal is to progress at a comfortable pace for both of you.
For example, when my client Priya had been seeing Rahul for about five months, he asked how she would feel about going on a trip to meet his extended family. Even though they wouldn’t be traveling for several more months, the gesture showed he was thinking ahead.
Just remember, while it’s promising if he discusses the future, don’t ignore other red flags just because of this. Actions speak louder than words.
05. He Makes Thoughtful Gestures
Real love means noticing the little things that make your partner happy and going out of your way to do them. Whether it’s bringing you coffee just the way you like it or running a bubble bath for you after a stressful day, these thoughtful gestures reveal his feelings.
They don’t have to be over-the-top romantic movie moments. For instance, one of my clients, Lily, has a long commute to work each day. Her boyfriend Jack knew driving could be frustrating, so he began leaving little treats — like a protein bar or a playlist to listen to — in her car each morning to brighten her drive.
Lily was touched that he took the time to do something so simple yet meaningful. She said it showed how well he knew her.
So pay attention to whether he goes out of his way to make you smile. Real love means noticing opportunities big and small to show you care.
06. He Has Your Back
In every relationship, hard times will inevitably come. This could be external stressors, big life changes, or simply disagreements between you. When challenges arise, a man who truly loves you will face them together with you, not run away. He’ll keep communication open and tackle issues as a team, not opponents.
I remember my client Aisha, whose long-term boyfriend Omar got a dream job offer across the country. While excited for him, Aisha was anxious about doing long distance after years together. Instead of ignoring her worries, Omar sat down and listened. He assured Aisha they would make it work, even if it meant flying to see each other often.
They had several open conversations about what long distance would entail. Omar agreed to set aside dedicated time for video chats despite the time difference and coordinate visits as much as possible. His willingness to adapt and involve Aisha in decision-making meant so much to her. She said it proved Omar would stand by her through life’s curveballs.
When hard times hit, pay attention to whether your partner shuts down or engages. Does he face problems together with you or create distance? With the right man by your side, challenges that arise can ultimately strengthen your bond rather than break it. You’ll feel secure knowing he’s fully committed to you, especially during difficult seasons of life.
07. He Respects Your Boundaries
As a relationship progresses, it’s natural to feel temptation and urgency around physical intimacy. But a man who truly cares will never pressure you or make you feel guilty for wanting to slow things down physically.
I’ll never forget my client Savannah, who, after a few dates, was really starting to fall for a guy named Jake. When they began getting intimate, Savannah realized she wasn’t ready to take that next step. She worried Jake would be angry or offended if she asked him to wait.
But when she was honest about needing more time, Jake responded thoughtfully. He told Savannah he completely respected her feelings. Jake assured her he was happy taking things slow and focusing on their emotional connection first. Savannah was so relieved that he reacted with understanding, not judgment or disappointment.
Ladies, trust your gut when it tells you the timing isn’t right, even if you care for him deeply. The right man will never coerce or manipulate you to try to change your mind. If he reacts poorly or makes you feel guilty for setting boundaries, let him go. You deserve better than someone who tramples your comfort and security. Wait for the man who will respect where you’re at and let intimacy happen naturally when you both feel totally ready.
08. He Admits When He’s Wrong
Part of being in a healthy relationship is accepting responsibility when you mess up. Your partner should be able to sincerely apologize rather than blaming you or pretending he did nothing wrong.
For instance, one night, my client Ella’s boyfriend, Miguel, forgot about their dinner plans and left her waiting alone at the restaurant for over an hour. Ella was angry and hurt — until Miguel called profusely apologizing.
He explained he’d gotten absorbed in work and lost track of time, but he knew that was no excuse. Miguel told her he felt horrible and promised to make it up to her. His honesty and accountability meant a lot to Ella.
Of course, everyone makes mistakes sometimes. But the key is whether your partner owns up to it and makes a genuine effort to do better, not sweep it under the rug.
09. He Supports Your Dreams
For a relationship to thrive long-term, your partner has to be in your corner as you grow and evolve — not trying to change you or hold you back. When you share a goal or passion with him, does he encourage you or discourage you?
For example, when my client Priya was offered a major promotion, her boyfriend Rahul was her biggest cheerleader. Even though the new job would mean she’d have less free time, he told her how proud he was and brought champagne to celebrate. And when she had to travel for work, he took care of things she normally did, like caring for her cat.
Rahul’s support motivated Priya to excel in her new role. She said his belief in her gave her confidence. Make sure your partner is the wind beneath your wings, not an anchor weighing you down. The right man will want you to soar.
10. He Appreciates You
Lastly, a man who truly loves you will make you feel valued. He’ll compliment your strengths, celebrate your wins, and express gratitude for all you add to his life. You won’t question if he appreciates having you in it.
For example, my client Meera is an incredible cook. Her boyfriend Lucas raves about every meal she makes, telling her how lucky he is to date someone so talented. When she got accepted into a prestigious baking program, Lucas threw a party to toast her achievement.
Meera never has to wonder if Lucas sees and appreciates her gifts. His sincere praise and pride in her accomplishments confirm it.
So pay attention to whether your partner makes you feel treasured just for being you. Find someone who recognizes all you bring to the table and never takes you for granted. You deserve nothing less.
The bottom line is that real, lasting love is possible for you. As a life coach, I see every day that there are still good men out there — men who want to put in the work and cherish their partner. Never settle for less than you deserve. When you find someone who truly sees and values you, hold onto him! With the right partner by your side, you can build a beautiful life filled with love.